Parenting – Page 5 – Loving My Lot

One day, about a month before her birthday, I casually asked Aubrey what sort of party she’d like. She stared at me blankly. Because I’m not a do-it-yourself kind of girl, I thought of the limited party-plate selection at Wal-Mart, and prompted, “You know, like a Dora party or a princess party?” Aubrey considered for a moment, then announced, “I want a princess party.” Okay, done! Immediately I thought of the $5 Ariel costume I’d picked up at a consignment sale for trick-or-treating. Perfect! The simplicity was satisfying—there were 86 billion princess party supplies at Wal-Mart, and she would get 2 uses out of her Ariel costume.

But in the weeks that followed, I began to have second-thoughts. As Heidi’s birthday came and went, Aubrey grew increasingly excited about her upcoming princess party. She talked about princesses, wanted to watch movies about princesses, and adoringly dressed the Polly Pocket princesses at her friend’s house. My doubts grew. But I’d already told grandma about the princess party, and the day after she heard, all 86 billion princess party supplies from Wal-Mart were deposited in my dining room, along with a few princess coloring books just for fun. Before long, Aubrey knew all the Disney princesses by name and dress color. Finally, one night, I voiced my concerns to Clint. “You know, I’ve been thinking…what if we did a ‘God’s princess’ theme? We could put up a big sign that says, ‘I know I’m a princess because my Father is the King of Kings!’”

“Sounds kinda cheesy,” Clint said.

*Sigh. Back to the drawing board. In the end, I’ve chosen to keep the princess party theme, although it will hardly be a “Toddlers in Tiara’s” extravaganza. In fact, only grandparents have been invited, so there will be exactly one dress-up princess in attendance—Ariel. But the whole ordeal has caused me to consider carefully the messages and media I’m encouraging in our home.

There is something beautiful and dangerous in the “princess” theme. I never taught my daughter to find pink puffy dresses and princesses fascinating. I doubt many moms do. Nevertheless, the phenomenon lives. Why? Because it captures the female heart. It speaks of our desire to be precious, to be valued and treasured and loved. All of these messages I want to drive deeply into my daughter’s heart—you are precious, you are valuable, you are of incredible worth because God Almighty created You, gave His very life to redeem you, and pursues you even now. You will never meet a King as mighty, nor a Prince as romantic as Jesus Himself. In belonging to Him you will find all the worth your soul ever craves.

But this is only one side of the coin. The princess theme is also engaging because it caters to our sinful longing to make much of ourselves. And that is the aspect of the princess obsession that I despise. Not the desire to be special, but the desire to be the most special, the most beautiful, the most important, the most glorified. As a mother who desperately loves my daughters, I see a powerful beast alive in the princess mentality, and it makes me want to don some knightly armor and rescue my daughters myself. I want to protect them from the arrogance of entitlement, the addiction to self-glory as ancient as the Tower of Babel. But the truth is, plastering a cheesy banner across my living room wall doesn’t make me a knight any more than fastening orange extensions into Aubrey’s hair makes her Ariel. There is only One Warrior with the ability to protect my daughters, only One Hero with the capacity to satisfy them. And my greatest hope for raising my girls in godliness is daily throwing myself upon His mercy.

No matter what your previous work experience, when you take on the role of full-time homemaker, you are suddenly CEO of the company. Each day stretches like a blank slate before you, and how you choose to fill it is entirely up to you. There are no meetings, no job descriptions, and no quarterly evaluations. If you do a smashing job, no one’s going to promote you, and if you’re woefully irresponsible no one’s going to fire you. The uninhibited freedom can feel overwhelming at first. I think it’s why we young moms will often look at fellow young moms and casually ask, “So…what do you do during the day?”

When I first found myself at home all day, my answer to that question went something like this: “I wake up, change the baby’s diaper, go to the neighbor’s house to ward off boredom for pretty much the entire day, then come home and make dinner.” Not exactly a great use of time. Herein laid the problem: my use of time reflected warped priorities. Over the years I began to learn how to order my day, and the result was far greater fulfillment, daily accomplishments, and joy in the home. I’m not suggesting that my system will work for everybody, but I offer it here as a starting point. It’s the sort of step-by-step tutorial I wish I could’ve read when I first took the plunge into full-time homemaking. So…if you’re a SAHM thinking about establishing a schedule, here’s what I did:

List your priorities in order of importance. (Ex: Grow in Godliness, Love My Family…etc.) I referred to the book Shopping for Time by Carolyn Mahaney to help me come up with my list.
Next, create a simple chart with days of the week across the top, and time in thirty-minute increments along the left-hand column. Begin with the time of day you generally wake up and end with the time of day that you generally go to bed.
Block off one entire day as a Sabbath. Personally, I chose to do this because I like to have one completely unstructured day a week, with no expectations, no chores, and no requirements except enjoying God and my family. For me, this day is Monday since it’s my husband’s day-off.
Next, fill in the established commitments you have each week. These are the things you routinely participate in that do not change from week to week. Side Note: I think that how much you’re part of has a lot to do with personal preference. If you’re happily commited to one activity a week, good for you! If you feel bored and aimless, then perhaps it’d be helpful to build some routine events into your week. Think through the age of your kids, their interests, your budget, and your needs (what am I lacking–fellowship, spiritual growth, time alone?…etc.)
Okay, your commitments are scheduled in. Next, pencil in meal times, nap times, and your kids’ bedtime routine. A typical morning for me begins around 7am and includes dressing the kids, fixing breakfast, and a quick dishes/tidy-up time. Sometime between 11:30 and 12 (depending on the day) I fix lunch, tidy-up again, and put the kids down for a nap from 1-3pm. Around 5:30 I start dinner, we eat at 6, bathtime begins at 6:30, and the kids are in bed by 7pm. Factor all that in, and my week is beginning to take shape. Everyday I have a “morning” chunk of time between breakfast and naptime, and an “afternoon” chunk of time after nap before we start dinner.
Take stock of what time is left. In my case, there are 4 established things I’m part of each week–church, BSF, Book Club, and MMO (read more about these things here). These 4 things take up 4 of my “morning” chunks of time. So I am left with 2 “morning” and 6 “afternoon” time slots per week.
It’s time to factor in chores. Because grocery shopping for me falls somewhere between climbing Everest and being attacked by sharks, I like to do it only once a week. So that takes up one more “morning” time slot. Personally, I like having a chores’ schedule because as soon as my “chores for the day” are done, I don’t worry about doing any other chores until the next day. So, if you’re like me, at this point in the schedule-making process, you may want to allot certain chores to certain days.
Finally, I chose 2 blocks of time to schedule intentional play time with my kids. Obviously, I play with them more than this, but in case the week gets crazy and I’m tempted to become consumed with chores, having that time set aside helps me ensure that they’re getting uninterrupted quality time with me each week. This is about as structured as I like to be, so instead of setting requirements for my remaining blocks of time I simply labeled them “free time,” and then created a list of possible free time activities. Here is a fictitious example of what the final product might look like: Weekly Schedule
Okay, here is the kicker–it’s time to evaluate. Go back to your list of priorities and beside each priority, write down aspects of your schedule that fulfill that priority. For example, here’s what my list looks like:
1. Grow in Godliness—Church, BSF, Time with God while girls nap
2. Love my Family—Sabbath / Family Day, Mommy & Girls Play Time, Chores
3. Serve in the Church—Book Club, Sunday Morning Nursery Duty
4. Fellowship with Christians—BSF, Book Club, Church, Small Groups
5. Evangelize non-Christians—(I don’t “schedule” this into my day, but being out in the community during some of our “free” time slots helps keep me missionally minded.)
6. Manage and maintain our home—Chores
7.Health / Leisure Time—Exercise during nap time, MMO, free time after 7pm
Finally, if you’ve discovered that one of your priorities is being neglected in your schedule, go back and factor it in. Remember, you establish the schedule!

Whew! We made it through! Once more, let me reiterate that you don’t have to do things my way. I’m only sharing my way of doing things since this is my blog and I get to write about whatever I want 🙂 I can testify, though, that as I’ve sought to use my time intentionally and truly “own” my days, my joy and gratitude in being home has grown exponentially.