Month: August 2014

You know the saying, “If you wait until you’re ready to have a baby, you’ll never have one”?  I’m not entirely sure I agree.  I agree with the heart of the sentiment: no one is ever totally “ready” to become a parent.  That’s the beauty of it–parenting changes you.  You don’t have to have all the maturity necessary to complete the journey right from the get-go, because the journey itself will develop that maturity within you.

But I think it’s unwise to suggest you don’t need any form of readiness before becoming a parent.  Let me be the first to admit, when I discovered I was pregnant with my firstborn, I had all the enthusiasm of Barney and all the readiness of Bart Simpson.  My thoughts went something like this, “A baby!!  Ooooh, polka dot bedding!”  Suffice to say, there was a steep learning curve when she arrived.

In hindsight, I think there are 3 factors that can make the transition into parenthood a lot easier or a lot more difficult.

Personal Maturity
We will never be perfect.  But the last thing we want to do is have a baby in order to fill a personal void in our lives.  Children were never meant to “fix” us.  They do not cure loneliness or mend weak marriages.  In fact, they do just the opposite–they apply pressure to the already weak areas.  Furthermore, it is our calling as parents to shepherd them, not vice versa.  And sadly, we cannot give what we don’t have.  Which begs the question: Am I in a good place spiritually?  How is my marriage?  Am I battling any addictions or enslaving sins?  Am I involved in Christian community?  The goal is not to seek perfection or works-based righteousness.  It’s simply to evaluate our hearts before the Lord, recognizing that the call to parent a human being is a serious one.

Financial Readiness
I think the big thing to consider here isn’t dollars and cents, but what living situation you will have to adopt in order to support a baby.  In other words, what will this look like practically?  Will we both have to work and put our child in daycare?  If so, how do we feel about that?  Will one of us have to take a second job?  Or drop out of school?  How much will we see each other?  My husband was in his last year of graduate school and only working part-time when our first child came along.  We chose to use up a portion of our savings for one year so I could stay home and he could finish school.  It was a costly decision financially, but it protected our marriage and reduced the stress in our household.  The question is: Can we make it work financially and still maintain a healthy family life?  

Outside Support
This can go a long way toward protecting and even boosting those first two categories.  If the budget is tight but Grandma and Grandpa live in town, you’ve just saved yourself a wealth of babysitting expenses.  If you’re going to be a stay-at-home-mom and you already have close friends, you’ll probably be a much happier one.  Outside support allows you time for yourself, time to get in the Word, date nights with your husband, and clean laundry when you’re too tired to do it yourself.  It’s not a necessity, but it will greatly impact the ease or difficulty with which you transition into parenthood.  Do I have outside support in this season of life?  Do I live near family members who are willing to help?  If not, do I have close friends who are trustworthy?  Can I count on my husband to be a source of support?  Is he excited about starting a family, or have I coerced him into it?  

Final Thoughts
I actually wrote this article several months ago and set it on the back-burner for one main reason: I see the potential for discouragement.  What if you’re already pregnant, and one or all of these factors aren’t in place?  Dear friend, that was me.  Our first baby was a big surprise.  We were far from family and hardly in a good place financially, with a lot of growing up to do.  But guess what?  We survived.  Better yet, God used it mightily to accomplish His purposes in our lives.  If there’s one thing I’m learning to treasure in my life, it’s the blessing and sanctification that only comes through difficulty.

If you’re in the same unprepared boat I was in six years ago, don’t lose heart!  You can  take steps to grow in each of these areas.  Simply seeking godly community, either through church or ministries like BSF, will help you develop outside support and personal maturity.  Turning to the Bible and godly mentors will help you make wise decisions regarding finances and lifestyle changes.

But most of all, remind yourself that only God creates life.  From the beginning of time, He has ordained every day of this precious child’s life!  (Psalm 139:13-16).  And He has chosen you to parent this child, at this time, for His great glory.  Surely, you can trust Him to equip you.  As Isaiah once wrote in a song of praise: “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.  Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal!”  (Isaiah 26:3-4)

(photo credit)

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This summer we spent one magical day at the happiest, sweaty-est, most crowded place on earth.  When my 4-year-old asked if we could go home before we even made it out of the parking lot, I felt the first wave of dread.  In the end it really was a special day, but with all my newfound Disney knowledge, I feel compelled to share the top 5 things that can make or break your next visit with Mickey.

#1: Arrive at the Park One Hour Before it Opens
Did you know it takes nearly thirty minutes to get from the parking lot to the entrance of the Magic Kingdom?  Yeah, me neither.  Those thirty minutes include one shuttle ride followed by either a monorail or ferry ride.  If you’re in the parking lot one hour before the park opens, you’ll probably be through in twenty minutes.  If you arrive when the park opens you’ll find yourself waiting in the parking lot with hundreds of people who are more than willing to shove a 2-year-old out of the way to beat you onto the shuttle.  If (like us) you are also trying to cram a jogging stroller onto said shuttle, you may as well just set up camp.  Now I know what you’re thinking: if we make it to the entrance so early, what are we going to do until the park opens?  Before the ropes drop, the very front of the park is actually open.  Characters often greet guests, and if you go into the visitor’s station, people celebrating a special event—even if it’s just their first time at Disney—get a free button, guaranteeing a little more attention from staff.  And just imagine how many rides you can get in when the ropes do drop and everybody else is elbowing their way onto the shuttle in the parking lot.

#2: Reserve Your FASTPASS Experiences Ahead of Time
Every guest is allowed 3 free FastPasses.  This means, you may choose 3 attractions in which you bypass the regular line.  A-mazing.  The FastPass line usually takes 5 minutes or less.  But if you wait until you’re at the park to sign up, you’ll find yourself standing in line at a FastPass kiosk for hours.  Moreover, the only times available for the popular rides will probably be after 8pm.  Instead, you should reserve your FastPasses online or through the My Disney Experience App.  Guests staying at a Disney hotel can book their FastPasses up to 60 days in advance; all other guests can book them 30 days in advance.  When you enter your selections, you’ll be given different time options.  If you’re vacationing in the off-season, choose early time slots because as soon as you use up your 3 FastPass experiences, you can reserve more.  If, however, you’re vacationing during a hot, busy season (like summer), choose afternoon time slots when you’ll be the most exhausted.  If the park is crowded, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to reserve additional FastPasses.  My last piece of FastPass advice—don’t waste them on older rides like “It’s a Small World” or “Dumbo.”  Those lines are always relatively short.

#3: Book a Character Lunch
If you’re vacationing in the busy season, make a lunch reservation!  There’s nothing like bypassing a monstrous crowd and stepping into a gloriously air-conditioned restaurant.   We opted for a character lunch, and it surprised me how much our preschool (and even school-aged) gang loved it.  Back when I was a kid, characters roamed the streets of Walt Disney World, but not anymore.  Now, you have to stand in line to meet virtually anyone.  Greeting characters while you eat is the best of both worlds.  It entertains the kids and makes you feel less bad about skipping the 2 hour line to meet Rapunzel.  As far as options for character dining in the Magic Kingdom, there are only two: The Crystal Palace with Winnie the Pooh’s gang, or Cinderella’s Royal Table with several princesses.  Both have pros and cons.  The Crystal Palace is cheaper and easier to book.  (Cinderella’s Table usually fills six months in advance!)  A lot of reviewers think the food is better at Cinderella’s palace (for $60 a plate, it ought to be!), although the Crystal Palace is buffet style, which is nice for starving, impatient preschoolers.

#4: Visit Dumbo’s Secret (Indoor!) Playground
This is the best kept secret at Disney.  If you need an afternoon pick me up that doesn’t involve money or sugar, go to the Dumbo ride.  The line begins outside, but quickly takes you through a tunnel into a blessedly frigid play place.  It was designed to entertain kids while they wait for the ride.  On busy days a hostess offers you a buzzer (just like at a restaurant) and your kids can play while you wait for the buzzer to go off.  But even though we went at the peak of summer, the line wasn’t long enough to necessitate the buzzer.  So the hostess simply gave us the option of playing or riding Dumbo.  I literally watched kids sobbing as their parents hauled them away from the playground to ride Dumbo!  That’s how appealing a cold playground can be on a scorching summer afternoon!

#5: Go Lightweight with the Gear
I packed a backpack you’d need American Ninja Warrior biceps to budge.  I wanted to be ready for anything, but we quickly learned less is more when you’re hiking through a hot theme park on foot.  Skip the Gatorade bottles and disposable water bottles.  All you need is one refillable bottle because every restaurant is required to fill your water bottle for free.  Hot, melting snacks aren’t as appealing as you’d think, so only pack a few.  If it’s summer time, it’s worth investing in a pair of real UV sunglasses for the kids and packing sunscreen.  Finally, (unless you plan to rent one) bring a stroller.  We opted for a jogging stroller thinking it’d be more comfortable, but the truth is, exhausted kids aren’t picky.  Take the skimpy umbrella stroller and it’ll be much easier to maneuver, especially on and off the shuttle!

Any tips to add??  Leave them in the comment section below!

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America has long been hailed as the land of opportunities.  Every decade they seem to grow exponentially.  Do you want to start your own business?  Self-publish an e-book?  Become a YouTube rock star?  It’s never been easier.  But we aren’t the only ones with ever-widening opportunities.  Our kids are growing up in a world few of their grandparents could’ve imagined.  No longer is summer about trading baseball cards and kicking around a soccer ball.  It’s about science camp, ballet lessons, downloading Apps, online gaming, and gluten-free, dairy-free, GMO-free snacks in BPA-free containers.  Options.  If there’s one thing we have as parents in the 21^st century, it’s options.  Which is a good thing, right?

A few months ago we went to a restaurant in Kentucky that served only grilled cheese sandwiches.  How they took America’s simplest sandwich and came up with 58 options on their menu is beyond me.  But I’ll say this, I felt like my brain cells were shrinking as I spent twenty minutes trying to pick a grilled cheese sandwich.  Yes, options provide opportunities, but they also complicate life.  As parents, they create an undercurrent of pressure.  We want (and often feel compelled) to give our kids everything.  Every advantage, every opportunity, every collectible My Little Pony Equestrian doll.  We want to nurture every talent, support every interest, cater to every preference.  Because after all, isn’t that what the Jones’s are doing?

This summer I agonized to the point of insanity over school options for my eldest.  Did I mention she is entering pre-K?  As in pre-Kindergarten.  As in the grade before the grade in which you spend 30% of the day coloring.  But you know what?  I love my daughters.  This is why I agonize.  But it’s not the only reason I agonize.  I also agonize because I don’t trust God.  And because I idolize my children’s well-being.  And because I’m arrogant enough to want to be the best mom in the world.

Last month my husband suggested we read a little book by Kevin DeYoung called “Crazy Busy.”  (Hmm…I wonder why he thought we needed to read that??)  Among other things, the book presents seven diagnoses to consider regarding our crazy busy lives.  I was especially struck by diagnosis #4: “You Need to Stop Freaking Out about Your Kids.”  (Kevin’s words, not mine!)  He cites a survey conducted by Ellen Galinsky in which more than a thousand school-aged children were asked what one thing they would change about how their parents’ work affected them.  Parents were surprised to find that the children seldom wished for more time with them.  Rather, the vast majority wished their parents were less tired and less stressed.  DeYoung borrows the term “secondhand stress” to describe the way children feel in a constantly frazzled environment.  Listen to this:

“By trying to do so much for them, we are actually making our kids less happy.  It would be better for us and for our kids if we planned fewer outings, got involved in fewer activities, took more breaks from the kids, did whatever we could to get more help around the house, and made parental sanity a higher priority.”

The first time I read this, I had to re-read it.  Wait a minute—did he just say take more breaks from the kids?  Get more help around the house?  By doing these things, I may end up being a better parent for them?  I found myself exhaling.  In the tightrope of parenting, it felt like someone had just cut me some much needed slack.  If DeYoung is right, and what my kids really want (although they are too young to express it) is a mom who is at peace, then maybe I don’t need to feel so guilty every time I drop my girls off with a babysitter.  Or throw a pizza in the oven and pop in a movie.  Maybe these aren’t the “survival” choices, but occasionally, the better ones.  The ones that de-frazzle the week, lower the hyper-high-performance bar, and give my kids the sense of calm they ache for.

Maybe all this goes to show that parenting ought to be less about doing and more about being.  Less about co-sleeping debates and pacifier anxiety, and more about becoming a woman centered on Christ.  Less about performance and guilt, and more about daily finding hope in the grace of the gospel.  Because despite the fact that my kids still beg for the things everybody else has, one day when they look  back on their childhood, they’ll remember more than all the activities and opportunities.  They’ll remember what kind of home they had, be it peaceful…or crazy busy.

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