If you’ve ever had an entire bowl of oatmeal spilled directly into your lap (and worn the same pants anyway), or fallen asleep with Dora’s theme song stuck in your head, or caught your toddler stark naked in the front yard teaching the dog how to pee in the grass, then maybe your current “lot in life” is similar to mine. In 2010 I packed up a beloved career to become a bona fide stay-at-home-mom. Never once have I regretted the decision. Yet despite my indescribable love for family, and my unwavering commitment to biblical living, six months ago I found myself ready to toss in the towel.
I could not reconcile the attractive ideals of biblical womanhood with the mundane realities of daily living. I felt like a ping pong ball ricocheting between guilt and entitlement: “I should be a better homemaker, more organized, better at training my children in godliness, more joyful in serving my husband…but what about me? What about my ambitions? My passions?” I thought of all the lesson plans I had carefully crafted as a teacher, all the praise I received for my efforts, all the ideas and dreams I’d nursed through adolescence…and here I knelt picking up the same toys in the same play room…again…and again…and again. Discontentment. It began to consume me.
It was in the midst of a particularly emotional gripe-fest with God that He directed me toward a passage in Ecclesiastes. After condemning the “grievous evil” of a father who lost his son’s inheritance and as a result had nothing to show for all his toil, the author goes on to write:
“Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot.” Ecclesiastes 5:18
The passage cut me to the heart. I had structured my toil, tried to become efficient in my toil, read books about my toil, but failed to find enjoyment in my toil. A few days later, I sat down at the kitchen table and did something I’d never done before. I created a blog. My brother had challenged me to blog for a while, but I thought it was a cheap substitute for my true ambition to write a book. But that day I was desperate for an outlet and sick of being too afraid to try something new.
Years later, through this little blog, God allowed me to have a voice in over 160 countries around the world. He took the broken bits of my journey and used them to speak into the lives of hundreds of thousands of people. Not because I’m so great, but because He is.
As a writer, the greatest joy is simply to be read. To produce something from your heart that touches something in another person’s heart. That is my prayer for all of my writing. I pray God would use it to touch you in real and powerful ways, so that together we may wrap both arms around the “lot” that is ours—the beautiful, painful, and at times downright disgusting! May this blog be a simple way to celebrate our lot, indeed to love it.