What I Want My Daughters to Know about Biblical Womanhood

I’ve meant to return to the subject of biblical womanhood for a while now. But always when I approach this tender topic, I see the faces of vulnerable women from a thousand different walks of life. And my words refuse to come together. But suddenly today, when I sat down to write, I saw just two little women. And when I thought about what I want to teach them about biblical womanhood, everything became a little more clear.
Dear daughters,
Being a godly woman begins with surrendering your whole heart to Jesus. This means Jesus defines who you are–not your friends, the world, or even yourself. The Bible says that those who surrender their hearts to Jesus are blessed, chosen, holy, adopted, redeemed, favored, and forgiven (Eph 1:3-11). My precious daughters, no matter how you feel, or what happens to you, that is your identity.

Surrendering your heart to Jesus also means obeying Him. Often (just like your mom) you will be tempted to be the boss of your life, following your own wisdom. But the Bible says “the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men” (I Cor 1:25). If you build your life around Jesus, submitting to the perfect wisdom of God, He will make you the woman He wants you to be, which is the true definition of biblical womanhood.

As you grow, you will learn that the world tries to define womanhood by outward actions and appearances. Many people believe beauty is the ultimate goal of womanhood. Our culture will tempt you to believe that the prettier and sexier you are, the more valuable and loved you will be. But this is a lie! I Peter 3:3-4 says that our main focus should not be looking pretty on the outside, but rather having a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious to God. Do you know what a gentle and quiet spirit is? The word “quiet” doesn’t mean you can’t be loud and bubbly (which your daddy and I find absolutely adorable.) It means your heart is as quiet and peaceful as a baby resting with its mother (Ps 131:2). You see, when you listen to Jesus’ opinion of you, you will not be anxious about fitting in or being the most beautiful. Your heart will be at peace. And that is true beauty.

Some people believe finding the right man is the ultimate goal of womanhood. But this will always lead to disappointment! If God wants you to be single, you may believe the lie that you’re less adequate than wives and moms. If He wants you to marry, you may believe the lie that a man can provide lasting fulfillment. My sweet girls, stand guard against both thoughts! God has always based biblical womanhood, first and foremost, on our relationship with Him, not men. If He does bless you with a godly husband, then respect, cherish, and honor that man, for he is a gift! But do not look to him for your ultimate hope and security. That is Jesus’ specialty alone.

Finally, my dear girls, beware of defining biblical womanhood by what you do. If you fall into this trap, you will forever be comparing yourself with others—how well you cook, clean, decorate, and discipline; whether or not you stay at home; how you invest your time and talents. This can only lead to pride, shame, guilt, and judgment. Always remember, biblical womanhood is about attitudes more than actions. It is about having a soft and submissive heart toward God and His commands. Most of God’s instructions in the Bible apply to both men and women. But there are certain passages written specifically for women (Ti 2:3-5, Eph 5:22-24, Prov 31, I Pt 3:1-6). Embrace the teaching of these passages with a grateful heart! They were not written to burden you with guilt, but to teach you God’s perfect will and design for women. He alone can, and will, empower you to be the woman He wants you to be. And in becoming what He wants, you will find the greatest freedom and joy.