Category: Homemaking

Clint once asked me if I felt like I lost some of myself when I married him.  I told him no.  I have never felt like being his wife cost me a piece of myself.  I did, however, feel like I lost part of myself when we had kids.  Maybe ‘lost’ is the wrong word.  I guess I still have this part of myself—I just don’t know what to do with it.  I’ve polled many mothers about this, usually beginning the conversation by casually asking if they have any passions outside of their family.  What I found surprised me.  Some women truly do not have ambitions or dreams that wage war with homemaking.  There is no balancing act necessary in their lives because there’s only one side to their scale: family.  Do I think there’s anything wrong with this?  Not at all.  In some ways, I envy them.  But I cannot relate.

I have many dreams that have absolutely nothing to do with my children, or my husband for that matter.  Mostly they are dreams that awoke in my childhood when I first discovered I had one life and I could do absolutely anything with it.  Let me give you an example.  I have always wanted to be a writer…not a blogger, but a novelist.  As soon as I could string sentences together, I created worlds with my words—some of them ridiculous, some of them sacred, all of them amateur.

So, this Christmas I asked for a book—On Writing by Stephen King.  Like any aspiring author, I have lost myself in it, inadvertently peppering my husband with more Stephen King trivia than he ever cared to know.  The book is the Holy Grail of writing, with all the secrets your English teacher never told you.  But there is just one problem—I can’t do it.  The regimen King advises to become a truly successful author is impossible to uphold with my lot in life.  I would have to sacrifice my family, a sacrifice I’m not willing to make.  And so I sit here, on the eve of the New Year, trying to put it all together in my mind.  As a busy wife and mom, how do you maintain godly priorities and not lose personal ambitions?

In the end, I think it comes down to choices.  Nobody lies on her death bed regretting all the choices someone else made.  The choices that impact our lives the most are the ones we make for ourselves.  They are a direct reflection of our values.  So I have to ask myself, what do I truly value?  I love it when I’m writing and I start to smile because it usually means I’m arriving at a conclusion.  I know what I value.  And honestly, I value it more than all the accolades of the finest author in America.

Now is not the time to become the next Stephen King.  Now is the time to raise my kids.  Now is the time to snuggle on the sofa and laugh with my husband.  And when I have some free moments, I’ll probably spend them writing.  Maybe I’ll squirrel away a novel, although I’ll never do it in three months as King suggests, and my characters will likely grow stale as they sit forgotten in my laptop.  But I know this—I won’t be lying on my death bed regretting the characters I neglected.

Do I think it’s wrong to have ambitions outside of your family?  No!  I think it’s wonderful.  I think it reminds you that God made you a unique individual.  I think having passions and thoughts and feelings of your own helps you bring a lot to the table for your family.  Do I think these independent ambitions should be central?  No.  I think they should be surrendered, sometimes even sacrificed when push comes to shove.  Why?  Because none of us is superwoman.  We can’t have it all in every season of life.  We have to make choices.  And the more intentional you are when it comes to making choices, the better they’ll be.

So that woman inside of you that longs to grab an espresso, lock the door, and write til your eyeballs burn…or run a marathon, or become a doctor, or create your own line of homemade doggie treats–be at peace with her.  Don’t pack her up and kick her to the curb.  Pray about her.  Find ways to explore her.  But don’t let her run the show.  And when necessary, remind her how richly God has blessed you.  Then tell her to be quiet so you can do the dishes.

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Nothing is more fun than leaving a house with 86,000 disorganized toys only to return with 86,000 new Christmas toys.  With this in mind, I set out to de-clutter our house before the Christmas aftermath re-cluttered it up.  Along the way I discovered that it’s possible to take a giant leap toward a more organized home in a single day.  If you’re brave, here’s how to do it.

STEP ONE: TACKLE THE TOYS
Plan ahead–gather a variety of storage containers (I mostly use empty household containers).  Then start bright and early–immediately after breakfast, gather all your cluttered toy boxes and dump them into one giant pile.  The kids love this!  They will find toys they forgot even existed.  While they’re occupied reuniting, get busy sorting. The goal is simple: categorize as many toys as possible into the various containers, particularly small toys.  At the end, there will always be a collection of rather large, miscellaneous toys that can go in a big, open container.  But put the smaller containers up high and only let kids play with one or two at a time.  This will keep the toys fresh and the play room organized.

STEP TWO: SORT THE CLOTHES
Because kids grow so rapidly, if you’re like me, every six months you need to sort through their clothes.  So once the toys were tidy downstairs, I tackled the dressers in the very same fashion–dump and sort.  The goal is to have a tidy, up-to-date dresser for each child, as well as a few organized storage containers of clothes in off-sizes.  In our house there are four places you will find kids’ clothing: the largest clothes are in Aubrey’s dresser.  When she outgrows something, it goes into a storage container for Heidi.  When Heidi is able to wear it, it goes into Heidi’s dresser.  When Heidi outgrows it, it’s relegated to the final storage container, either to give away or save for baby #3.  It would be worthwhile to note that if you don’t sort your own clothes seasonally, now might be a good time to start.  Get rid of the clothes you never wear, and put off-season clothes in storage (unless you’re blessed with a massive closet!)

For me, this was as far as I went with the kids.  By the time steps one and two were complete, they were ready for a nap.  And so was I.  But I tucked them into bed, put on my big-girl panties, and kept on trucking!

STEP THREE: CONQUER THE KITCHEN
Close your eyes, Mom.  Every time she visits, my mother sorts out my pantry, and for some reason, about ten minutes after she leaves, it always looks like this again.  When I absolutely cannot stand it a second longer, I know it’s time to organize.    So, a couple tips I learned from my mom:
1.  Consolidate!  Get rid of all the gigantic boxes with 2 granola bars left in them.  Delegate a large tupperware to be the “snack spot” and throw all those bulky boxes away.
2.  Strategize: if you have small kids who will likely disobey you and sneak into the pantry, which items would you most HATE to see sprinkled all over the floor?  Put these up high!  Also, think logically about how often you use various items, and as my mother would say, “Make it functional.”
3.  Don’t be a pack rat in the name of frugality–nobody likes crusty hot chocolate mix.  If in doubt–throw it away!
4.  Have a wet rag handy, and wipe down surfaces as you go.  Trust me, they need it.  The same goes for a broom when you can finally see the floor again.

Once your pantry is organized, (ahhhhh…), it’s time to take on the fridge–my least favorite duty.  A true deep clean would necessitate throwing out all the junk, organizing what’s left, and wiping everything down.  When you’re done, if you have any gumption left, consider what else may be a problem area in your kitchen–overflowing tupperware drawer with no matching lids?  Mile deep junk drawer?  Stuffed-to-the-gills recipe box disaster?  Choose the worst area, and get busy.  For me it was the junk drawer, and let me just tell you, it was truly mortifying.  If the very thought of undertaking such a task depresses you (as it did me), try popping in a movie while you work–if the kids are still napping it’ll feel like a treat!

STEP FOUR: CATER TO YOUR FAMILY
I know you’re losing stamina, so am I.  Here is the final step–take stock of the possible improvements you could make in the rest of your home.  If you’re really gutsy, make a list.  Disarrayed Christmas decorations in the attic?  Disheveled laundry room?  Engorged filing cabinet?  Now before you burst into tears, consider which one project would bless your family the most.  Does the study desk, piled to the ceiling with papers, discourage your husband every single day?  Is there a particular room your family spends significant time in?  Choose the one task that will give you the most bang for your buck…or joy for your labor, and get to it.  (You will likely find yourself more excited about completing this task as you envision the way it will bless your family!)  Save the other items on your list for another day.  You can complete one project each week for the next month, and find yourself in a thoroughly organized home in the new year.

STEP FIVE: CELEBRATE!
Growing up, whenever spring-cleaning-day rolled around, my mom would promise us ice-cream when everything was done.  Now that I’m an adult, I realize the sheer joy of having an organized home is more rewarding than all the Haagen-Daz in the world!  But go ahead and treat your kids.  Go to the park (if it’s still light out!), bake some brownies, pop in a special movie…do something fun.  It’s a great message to send them: as a family we work together and we enjoy the benefits together.

FINAL TIPS:

1. Be ready to troubleshoot.  At some point or another you will discover that as you have been neatly packing storage containers of clothes, the baby has been unpacking them behind you.  Wince, grimace, squeeze your eyes shut, and then release the big breath you’ve been holding. Everything is going to be okay. Put the clothes back in their categories and this time stash them up high.
2. Be realistic.  Guaranteed your kids will wake up from their nap bright-eyed and bushy-tailed around the time you’re ready to fall into a coma.  At this juncture, edit your ambitions.  Aim to arrive at step five as quickly as possible, and consider making the “reward” going out for dinner when Daddy gets home.
3. Be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better.  Inevitably, at some point you will glance around your kitchen, and it will look something like this:

Resist the urge to cry.  Instead, fuel your overwhelming disillusionment into staunch resolve to throw away as much as possible.  Then, when your kitchen looks like this…

…snap a picture and blog about it  😉

Check out a movie like “I Don’t Know How She Does It,” (starring Sarah Jessica Parker) and you’ll quickly catch wind of the running joke that stay-at-home moms sit around eating bon-bons all day…and maybe go to the gym in the afternoon.  Now, I’ll admit I keep a stash of dark chocolate Doves in my pantry, but that’s about as far as the stereotype goes.  In actuality, I have a very full schedule–one that I thoroughly enjoy.  It’s taken me a while to figure out how to fill my days with the right blend of activity and quiet that enables me to fulfill my priorities and enjoy my life.  Obviously, my “blend” is unique to me.  I have friends who are active in twice as much as I am, and other friends who don’t participate in half the things I do.  But if I could pass along one piece of advice to a rookie stay-at-home-mom, it would be to establish a schedule that honors God, suits your personality, and enables you to fulfill your priorities.  Before posting about how to establish a personal schedule, I thought it might be helpful to outline the primary commitments that fill my week.  I am involved in 4 different things:

1. CHURCH

I attend an incredible church, called New City, in downtown Macon, Georgia.  The two best things about my church (in my opinion) are the solid gospel focus that permeates everything we do, and the high value placed on community.  Not only do we have small groups that meet throughout the week, but we authentically live life together.

2. BSF

“BSF,” short for Bible Study Fellowship, is a free worldwide organization that encourages women from all different backgrounds to come together and study God’s Word.  For one year you gather to study a particular portion of the Bible–this year it’s the book of Genesis.  I absolutely love BSF because it’s a program not just for women, but for their children.  For two hours once a week, I sip coffee, discuss the book of Genesis with other women, and listen to a live lecture that always manages to refresh my heart.   Meanwhile, my daughters are listening to the same Bible story, singing Bible songs, and learning important aspects of conformity (like sitting in a circle with other kids, following directions from different adults…etc.) that are hard to teach at home.  I also like the weekly homework we are given because it’s an easy way to get in God’s Word and stay accountable.  If you are a stay-at-home-mom who could use some mid-week biblical refreshment (not to mention a breather from the kiddos), you ought to check it out.  There is very likely a group meeting not far from you.

3. BOOK CLUB

I also host one of several weekly book clubs for women in my church.  My particular group is reading Strong Women, Soft Hearts by Paula Rinehart.  While BSF is a time to dig deeply into Scripture, this is a time to laugh, fellowship, and talk about how Jesus impacts our daily lives.  No, we don’t have childcare, so it’s also a somewhat chaotic time!  But this, too, is beneficial.  I want my kids to be comfortable playing with other kids, and respecting the boundaries of adults.  So even though we may face anywhere from 5-500 interruptions per session, our kids are beginning to learn how to play kindly with one another, let the adults talk about Jesus, and obey even when company is around.  Maybe your church doesn’t have anything like this in place, but you’d like a greater sense of friendship and community.  Start one yourself!  It can be as informal as a weekly playdate that ends with a brief prayer time for one another, or as structured as a book study that grows to include childcare one day.  Who knows?  God could use you to start something powerful among the women of your church.

4. MOMS MORNING OUT

MMO is my weekly treat.  It is simply time to myself.  My husband was actually the one who encouraged me to sign up, and I have not stopped thanking him since!  Once a week I drop my kids at a local church with an excellent pre-school program, and then I do whatever I feel like doing–write, pray, shop, go to a cafe, read a book….ahhhhh….

So…why blog about this?  I guess I just want to make the point that being a homemaker doesn’t mean being housebound.  It’s possible to have a full and enriching schedule–one that blesses you and makes quality use of your time.  And if in the midst of all this activity, you find some time to put your feet up and eat a couple of bon bons now and again, then good for you!