I love this blog for many honorable reasons. But I also love it for one selfish reason. It’s mine. All mine. I never realized what a commodity that could be until I became a mom. In the beginning, I was only asked to give up little things–time, sleep, my waistline. And then they started crawling and I surrendered a little more–tidiness, order, all of the keys on my laptop (which, FYI, can actually be popped right off.) Then one day I blinked and there they were–chattering away a mile a minute, going to pre-school, making friends, getting their feelings hurt, asking big questions, challenging my authority, drawing me pictures, jumping in bed to kiss my very pregnant belly and perhaps ride it like a cowgirl… And I realized there wasn’t a square inch of my personhood they hadn’t entirely and eternally invaded.
I love them with these dry, un-manicured hands that wash their dishes and scrub their faces and brush their hair and tie their shoes. I love them with these swollen ankles that race around town taking them places. I love them with this horrifyingly out-of-tune voice that sings them to sleep, and lays down the law, and tells them stories about when I was a little girl. I love them with this face that will probably wrinkle up like a prune by the time I’m 45 because it’s so used to smooching small cheeks and making silly faces. I love them with the eyes that always know where they are, the ears that hear their cries even when daddy is snoring, and the mind that remembers Tuesday is Johnny Appleseed day and we must wear red to school. I love them with the soul that begs God for their salvation, and I love them with the heart I have lifted out of my chest and tucked away in theirs.
Truly, I love this lot of mine. And yet, at the very same time, there are days when I go to a coffee shop and see college girls writing papers and giggling about boys, and I remember what it was like to have a mind that was completely my own. To be consumed with nobody else’s problems. To think about nobody else’s needs. To dream dreams just for me, and pursue ambitions just because I could. I remember what it was like to have things that were mine.
This blog is one tiny corner of my world that’s all mine. It’s the place where I remember that there’s more to me than grocery lists and Windex spray. And for one or two hours, when I sit down in this virtual world, I don’t think about the crusty broccoli under the table or the mismatched socks in the hamper. Instead of looking outward, I look inward. I think about the woman who picks up the broccoli and sorts through the socks. I think about how she feels, what she needs, who she is. It would be so easy for me to lose her. In the mayhem of everyday life, it would be easy to go through the motions and then collapse in front of the TV. To grow completely out of touch with the woman inside the mom. To shush her, ignore her, numb her…until one day she bursts into tears at the dinner table and everybody wonders why.
That’s one of the reasons I write. Because I need to stay in touch with that woman. I need to know how she’s doing. I need to speak the gospel over her heart and life. Otherwise, she won’t make it. Sure, she’ll still flip pancakes and drive carpools, but underneath it all her heart will grow hard and her spirit cynical.
With all that being said, I’m posting today because in the next few weeks my life is going to get crazy. In the midst of holiday hoopla and an exciting new job for my husband (hooray!), we are going to meet our third little daughter in just two weeks! Yes, yes (to the kind onlookers in the grocery store), my hands are going to be very full…but so is my heart. And as my home gets louder, this blog is going to get quieter. For the next few months I will miss you, and the way the woman inside of this mom gets to connect with the woman inside of you.
But believe me, even in this crazy season, whenever I get the chance I will still slip away and find time to check up on the woman underneath the nursing tops and smudged mascara. I will find the time to speak gospel truth over her. And I hope that sometime this Christmas, you too will be able to slip away, mix up some hot chocolate, and spend time with the woman inside of you, and with the God who loves her so very much.
Merry Christmas!
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Loving My Lot 
This is beautiful! It took me lot longer than you to find my spot with my blog, I was the mom who had crying jags at the dinner table from time to time. Now my babies are all teens and you don’t get your self back, but you start the fruits of all that sacrificing you did.
Wow, Jeanne! Thanks again for another touching post that I can relate to very much. I am also a mother of three little ones and often get that very same comment while at the grocery store. I always reply by saying “Yes, my hands are full,” or “Yes, they do keep me busy,” but I also always say that “My children are blessings from God – each one!” I enjoy them very much, but sometimes the work of being a mother can be so consuming. Thank you for reminding us to stay in touch with ourselves and our Lord. We just need to hold on to the gospel and the Lord who loves us more than we could ever realize. (Sort of like we love our children more than they will know unless they have some of their own.) Merry Christmas to you and may the Lord richly bless you with His peace as you welcome your newest little bundle of blessing and joy.
beautifully written, thank you for so eloquently expressing what so many of us feel!
Reblogged this on Mommy Go Run and commented:
Every mom should read this
Reblogged this on Me Too Moments For Moms.
This truly is a lovely post!!! Thank you!!!! My Momma heart has been touched.
Amen
Thank you so much for this post. I needed this understanding. Thank you.
Wow just wow! Im not mom of lil ones anymore. Savanna married and made me a mamaw and jeremiah 14. But i remember those days and your writing has moved me to tears. God bless you! Going have savannah read this. Than you for sharing your heart
Oh yes, please do pass it along to Savanna! I have loved seeing her joy in motherhood via FB. She is beautiful inside & out, just like her baby.
Thank you for sharing! This momma blogger can relate to so much of what you write. Blessings for your next few weeks that they may be joyful in the exhaustion.
Great post! I’m so glad you blog! I love the insight you give! Makes me think about things in entirely different lights. While I have no children of my own yet, I love seeing your perspective because I am sure I will fill much like you are, and I have no idea what we’re going to do once that part of my life starts.
You will be missed when you are not blogging, but when you do blog… I look forward to hear your words! Have a Merry Christmas!
Great post! I’m so glad you blog! I love the insight you give! Makes me think about things in entirely different lights. While I have no children of my own yet, I love seeing your perspective because I am sure I will fill much like you are, and I have no idea what we’re going to do once that part of my life starts.
You will be missed when you are not blogging, but when you do blog… I look forward to hear your words! Have a Merry Christmas!
Thank you for the encouragement you give to moms, like me, who aren’t writers, but you manage to write exactly what I feel too! I’m in the next stage with 17, 15, and 14 yr olds
and still relate in many ways. I don’t change diapers and wipe dirty faces anymore. The challenges are different, and even harder, as they develop independence, test boundaries, and require lengthy explanation and discussion in discipline. I don’t say this to discourage you, as everything you do to care for your kids now is part of the building process that will help you care for them as they grow. God grows, matures, and develops us moms through the years of raising children and gives all that we need to fulfill that responsibility, (of caring for our children at any age). Congratulations on your new baby girl! You know how fast she’ll grow – enjoy these precious new moments!
I can only imagine how challenging it must get the older they become! I love older moms in the next stage–they’re always so full of wisdom. Thanks for this note & for the encouragement.
Love this so much. Thanks for the inspiration. What timing!
I know this isn’t your most recent post anymore (congrats on the new baby!) but I had this bookmarked to read. I’m not sure how I found your blog – I think it was probably years ago that it got added to my reader. I just wanted to say that as someone who’s in a life-stage behind you (married, no kids), your blog is really encouraging for me. I’m looking forward to kids, but I’m pretty terrified of all the sacrifice I know it will entail. I appreciate how you love your family and your calling, and you make it seem like something I might be able to handle too 🙂
Oh Allison–that is high praise! I can’t think of anything more encouraging –thank you.