Before I ever had a single child, I knew that one day I would wage war with an enemy who sought their hearts and souls. I anticipated battles ahead, knowing my children would test and defy me. But I never anticipated the Mommy wars. I think I watched part of an Oprah episode years ago on competitive moms, but that was about it. I didn’t give it a second thought. Not until I joined the club.
Let me begin by saying, the Mommy Club is a beautiful place. The moment you join, you find within your heart this unexpectedly raw capacity for love. All at once, you are a protector, a nurturer, a defender of innocence, a storyteller, an imagination factory, a kisser of boo-boos, and a cheerleader forever. Even on the scrape-me-off-the-floor-with-a-spatula days, you are being sanctified and learning to see God’s grace in a brand new light. It is a special club, one I’m humbled and grateful to be part of.
But I’ll be honest, there’s one aspect of membership I don’t like to talk about. It’s the insecurity that bloomed inside of me somewhere along the journey. I felt it the first time I didn’t know how to soothe my own baby. The first time I couldn’t get her to eat her green bean goo. The first time she wandered out of my sight in public. I don’t know exactly when the quiet voice began to whisper, do you even know what you’re doing? But I do know that initial thought was just a stone’s throw away from this one: That mom sure looks like she knows what she’s doing. And then there was the really quiet thought that always buried itself in a place I would never share with anyone: Maybe she’s a better mom than you.
Here’s my humble opinion: I think that thought is the deceptive heartbeat behind all the mommy wars. I think deep down many of us are just a little bit afraid that someone else is doing a better job at this whole thing than we are. We see All-Natural-Organic Mom who tills her own grains in the backyard, and Educational-Crafty Mom whose newborn knows sign language, and Just-Stepped-Out-of-a-Magazine Mom with super cute clothes and baby Gap model babies…and we cannot help but notice all the ways we fall short. So we resort to one of two measures, the first being imitation.
Maybe if I can just be like Super-Fit-and-Sporty Mom with16% body fat and color-coordinated Nike outfits, or Ultra-Organized Mom, or Über-Sweet-and-Godly Mom… The problem is we quickly realize we cannot be all of them all the time. The moment we pop on All-Natural-Organic Mom’s hat, we bump into Crafty Mom whose kids have sculpted a miniature Parthenon over the weekend, and we realize our kids have watched twenty hours of television so we could make Larabars from scratch. And even if by some miracle we can get Healthy Mom jiving with Educational Mom, when we drop off our kids at preschool we’ll immediately notice that Just-Stepped-Out-of-a-Magazine Mom isn’t sporting a crumpled T-shirt with craft glue in her hair. (And don’t even get me started on what Coupon Mom might think if she saw how much we spent on groceries last week!)
Once we realize we can’t be all of them, we resort to option number two: judgment. Of course, this is rarely blatant. I don’t tell Sporty Mom I think she spends too much time at the gym, I tell myself Sporty Mom spends too much time at the gym. I tell myself it’s okay my abs don’t look like hers because she’s probably not nearly as godly as I am. I tell myself it’s okay I don’t look as put together as Just-Stepped-Out-of-a-Magazine Mom because she probably spends too much money on clothes anyway. On and on, I tell myself whatever I think I need to hear to stanch the fear that I don’t measure up.
A few times I’ve seen the mommy wars go viral. Moms screaming at each other on television. A Facebook feed that erupts. A hateful gossip fest. Here is my theory: I picture the hearts of moms across the world like a really dry forest, the kind that people warn you not to strike a match in. They are dry because they’re insecure and aching. They are exhausted and spent. They are longing to hear that they’re doing a good job, and what’s more to feel like they’re doing a good job. But because rest and truth and hope can be so hard won, these dry hearts are hazardous. Flick a spark in their direction and the whole forest can go up in flames.
But what if the hearts of moms were watered. Not sprinkled every now and then, but watered all the way down to their roots. What if we knew in the core of our being, that we don’t have to measure up? What if we knew that Jesus Christ loves and accepts us just as we are? That He is passionate about our children and will walk beside us, in all our shortcomings, to make us the kind of mom we need to be. What if we could quit judging Skinny Mom or Healthy Mom or Crafty Mom and instead see them as Real-Human Mom in need of love and encouragement just like us? Then maybe the next time someone suggests you try her organic Ak-Mak crackers or mentions that she just finished a triathalon, you can smile genuinely because you may have no idea what an Ak-Mak cracker is, but you know who you are. Accepted. Redeemed. Treasured. One who has been born again to a living hope and an imperishable inheritance.
What do you say, Mom? How would you like to be Imperfect-Completely-Loved-Free-in-Jesus Mom? How would you like to be Don’t-Need-to-Play-the-Games Mom? Capable-of-Genuinely-Loving-Others Mom? Guess what? That is exactly what Jesus died to offer you. Initially when I started thinking about this topic, I wanted to encourage you by telling you all the things I myself long to hear–that you’re doing a great job, you’re the best mom ever, everything’s going to be awesome for you. But instead, I want to encourage you by telling you something far better: Whether you’re doing a great job or not, Jesus loves you. You don’t have to be the best mom ever, Jesus accepts you. And when everything’s not awesome, you always have hope in Jesus.
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Jeanne, I always find my heart resonating with your blog. I was there at least in some ways back when my four children were growing up. The child rearing years are truly a test of one’s foundation of faith. May God keep using you to encourage and challenge other moms to grow in Christ-likeness which is God’s purpose for each of us!
That’s beautiful. I’ve struggled with perfectionistic tendencies. And depression resulting from perfectionistic tendencies (I can’t get it done right, a.k.a. perfect, and the ONE time I actually do get it pretty close, it’s messed up literally thirty seconds later, why bother at all?) and utter exhaustion from life and everything.
I feel like I’ve finally gotten to a place that while far from perfect is a lot more balanced.
If all the cloth diapers are in the wash and the kid wears disposables all day, no biggie. Cloth saves money though, so we mostly do that.
If we got busy and had frozen pizza instead of organic veggies grown in our own backyard garden, well probably shouldn’t make a habit of that but it’s OK. Everyone got fed.
Homeschooling with super sparkly extra special curriculum materials we chose ourselves wasn’t working. I was overwhelmed, stressed to the max, and needing help. We do online school, kids are still at home, we get help from the online teachers, and Mom stays (relatively) sane.
The cleaning doesn’t have to be perfect. As long as it’s noticeably better than when we started, that’s OK. People live here. A large dog lives here. There’s going to be dog hair on stuff, and that’s not the end of the world.
I think it helps that now I have six kids people kind of just assume I must know what I’m doing, so they don’t try to undermine me anymore. When you’re a new mom perfect strangers will literally accost you in public and try to tell you all the millions of ways you’re doing it WRONG. Of course now they assume I’m angling for a reality show, so I don’t know if it’s an improvement. 😉
Ha ha! Sounds like you are doing an incredible job, and even better, having a balanced, gracious perspective. Thanks a lot for sharing! Your 6 kids are blessed.
“As long as it’s noticeably better than when we started,”….. I love that! This may be my new standard.
we need to see ourselves as complete in Him…we are his bride and He loves us
Jeanne Harrison! This is right on! I read it out loud to Bobby and both of us loved it! Thank you for being vulnerable and real! We love you guys and miss you!
O I miss you too! Been thinking about you a lot lately. Thanks for taking the time to comment!
AMEN!!!
This was very good and I remember it well. Now it seems to be time for a repeat – but of the grandma wars. I am doing the right NEW THING ? Is she ? Same story different phase of life. I would have thought age might have been the cure but insecurities rock your boat at any age .
That is a great reminder for a young mom like me–we are always journeying!
You are so right! The grandma wars can be just as ugly, grandmothers telling you how to do it. How to interact with your grown children, or not interact with them! Blah blah blah I don’t know when we women will ever give each other a break. We need to love each other in a compassionate way like Jesus loves us with Mercy and lots and lots of grace.
This is such a beautiful and challenging post for all women…even the ones who don’t have children yet but still find themselves competing with each other for different reasons. Sometimes, I am tempted to think that when I do finally have children, then I’ll be good enough, then I’ll be as strong and amazing as all the moms I know, then I can join “the club.” This post is a good reminder to me to find myself in Christ not in the value and opinions of other people. Thank you for sharing this.
Kari Ann, that is such an awesome perspective. I catch myself thinking I’ll finally be more secure when I reach the next stage, and the next stage…but it is always still a journey! I really appreciate your comment–it is a very timely reminder for me.
As I read this, I kept thinking how this is true for all women not just moms. We all seem so dry and brittle at times. How wonderful to remember that we have Living Water that we can share abundantly with others. A good reminder to make sure I water my own roots each day! Thank you.
My sister (who doesn’t have children) has been telling me the same thing. I think you’re absolutely right–you don’t have to be a mom to feel dry and brittle. Speaking of which, I love your WordPress domain name– “Deepening Roots”!
I’m not a mom and I know I don’t understand “mommy” things, but I am a dad and a granddad, and I still insecure and frightened even as I throw myself upon the grace and love of God in Christ Jesus. I don’t know if I will ever feel secure or free of fear as a father. When my emotions are out of control and I still don’t know what to say as a husband, father and grandfather, the Lord always seems to take me back to Isaiah 1 where the Lord says, “I raised up children and they rebelled against me.” The encouragement and hope that verse brings me is inexpressible because if the Lord who is perfect in every way had trouble raising obedient children, then I am more than ok in my failures and my shortcomings. He is a loving, forgiving ever present Father and all we have to really do is the best we can and trust the Lord will take us the rest of the way. The Name of The Lord Jesus be praised forever.
O man, I love that! I’s SO encouraging and freeing. Tanks for sharing–I will treasure that verse.
I am nothing if not imperfect-completely-loved-free-in-Jesus mom. Thank you so much for this. Thanks for watering this mama’s heart I need to make sure I’m watering he hearts of other moms, too.
You are so welcome–your encouragement waters this mama’s heart too!
what a great read. and reminder. Loved this part the most, “But what if the hearts of moms were watered. Not sprinkled every now and then, but watered all the way down to their roots. What if we knew in the core of our being, that we don’t have to measure up. What if we knew that Jesus Christ loves and accepts us just as we are. That He is passionate about our children and will walk beside us, in all our shortcomings, to make us the kind of mom we need to be.”
this is what I needed to read today. Thank you for your honesty and encouragement. My prayer today is to put aside what I think I should be as a Mom, and allow Jesus to make the Mom HE wants me to be. beautiful thought, now to stay faithful to that!
Amen! Staying faithful to it is the challenging part for you & me both! Thanks a lot for the feedback 🙂
What a wonderful post because it reminded me of the inadequacies that we all feel as moms! I totally get the self loathing part. But I haven’t really noticed a “mommy war” since we ALL seem to feel that way. I work full time, have breast cancer and am raising 7 and 8 year old boys. Sometimes we wing it and I don’t feel guilty ( my younger child had a “good enough” bath in a Hot Tub tonight. Other days I’ve said “if they go swimming, that’s good enough” I horrified some Twitter followers with that confession.. oh well. My HUGE inadequacy is yelling at my DH in front of them. After my boss did that to someone at work last week, I could feel how stressful it must be for children.
As a previously single mom of a now 23 year old, you are right that sometimes the best we can do is the best we can do on a given day. Swimming is water. It counts 🙂
great writing besides the excellent message
HAHA! The bit about the homemade Lara bars made me seriously laugh! So true!
Thanks for this genuine sharing. It’s so encouraging.
I hope your week with your gorgeous girls is the best yet! 🙂
xo
Thank you, Nicole! 🙂
Thank you for this post! I was so blessed by it! As I was reading it, I was reminded that just as God has plans to prosper and not harm me (however that verse goes), the same is true for my children! He loves them and has a plan for their lives. I have to trust that my being their mom is part of His plan. Sometimes I am guilty of exactly what you wrote about. I am going to print this out and put it where I will see it often! God bless.
Awesome Cindy–thanks a lot!
Good job, Mom. It is amazing how judgmental we can be of other mothers and of ourselves. I have caught myself judging what people in line ahead of me have in their grocery carts. It’s either, how could you spend money on those luxury, expensive food items; or you have food stamps and you’re buying pop?
The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17;11); but, as you say, God has the answer.
Awesome! Your words were guided by none other then HIM!!! To be able to speak such raw truth. Being a military spuse and constantly moving I’m always trying to figure out where I’m going to “fit in” for the next 2-3 yrs and have just learned to be me and those who can appreciate me as an individual and a mom will find me.
AMEN!!
SO needed this perspective this morning! After struggling with my perfectionism last week and realizing how it was sapping all the love and energy away from me and my family, this was truly used of the Lord in my life! Thank you for being an instrument of grace!
Naomi, that is the highest praise I could ever receive–thank you so much. What an encouragement to me as I start my morning!
I recently had someone ask me if I were being “fulfilled” by being a mom. I am not fulfilled by being a mom. I love being a mom, but I am fulfilled by Jesus. Thanks for speaking so eloquently, the words that were in my heart that day.
Wow, what a powerful statement. I’m going to remember that…and probably steal it when I talk to others!
This is incredible. Thank you so much!! It echoes in my heart and a much needed reminder. You have a great gift. Thank you for sharing!
Included in this should be ” super blessed with an abundance of breast milk mom” and the mom who cries because she can’t make enough and gets lectured on the benefits of breast milk as she pulls her bottle of formula out for her baby! ….. This post was right on! Thanks or sharing!
Ha ha! Yes, I love it!
“If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.” Gal. 5:25-26. Your post was a good commentary on this verse. Thanks for sharing truth that speaks to the heart of women. I would add that often we need to recognize and confess our sin of pride (the expectation that we should have all gifts and blessings) and envy (the demand that no one else have a gift or blessing that I do not have) in addition to remembering the love and acceptance that is ours in Christ.
Great point. I like your definitions of pride & envy–both of those are definitely mingled in with all the mommy wars.
I never leave feedback on anything I read. I just don’t. Thank you. This was so true for me today after an awful, truly awful as in ‘had to leave the stage during praise and worship to deal with your childe’ kind of awful day yesterday. Last night I finally realized that it’s “MY” stuff I’m dealing with: my insecurities, my fears, my questions. Last night and throughout the morning, Jesus has shown beautiful ways to reveal to me the truth: I. Am. Enough. So, thank you for your encouraging words. Big hugs to you and your fam!
I am so thankful that you did leave this feedback! It is such a comfort to me to see that even though Satan targets us all with the same lies and evil tactics, Jesus graciously fights for us all! Thank you, thank you for telling me how He’s blessing you–it blesses me more than you know.
I just stumbled upon your post when someone shared the link on Facebook and I’m so glad that I did. What a surprise treasure! I couldn’t have articulated it better myself – God’s still working on me to get me to the point where my confidence as a Mommy comes completely and utterly from him alone. He’s got his work cut out, but this post was certainly an encouragement to that end. Thanks for sharing!
Yes and amen. Thank you!!! I needed to hear this!!!
Thank you for a convicting post. I was actually just thinking today about the differences in so many moms, the differences between my mom and other moms. Just as the body of Christ has many different members with different gifts, so also do moms have different strengths. We can learn from each other. I can look at the strengths of super-cute mom, super-organized mom, super-teacher mom, etc. and be thankful for their strengths. I can even learn from their strengths without trying to be them. That’s what we do in the body of Christ! We each do our part, using the gifts that God has given us, and encourage one another to be more like Christ. When we are thankful for the strengths others have, it helps us not to be so critical (whether or not valid criticisms could be made!).
Yes! That is such a great point. When we envy or try to imitate other moms with their unique God-given strengths, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to enjoy those strengths! Thanks for commenting–I totally agree.
This is incredibly beautiful and encouraging; thank you!
I struggle with feelings of insecurity all the time. I find that trying to wear ANY of those mommy hats creates a sea of anxiety in my heart, so I’m learning to just be “relax, trust God, and enjoy my kids” mom. 🙂
He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. (Isaiah 40:11 ESV)
I love “relax, trust God, and enjoy my kids” mom–she sounds beautiful 🙂
Jeanne, that is good advice, and it works well for other aspects of life. People like to show what they are doing right and hide the bad stuff, like sporty-mom’s struggles with her kid’s reading or math. Or Nature-mom’s issues with her kid’s motor skills. If we only compare ourselves to the best of everyone else, we will always feel sub-standard, since our standard is a perfection culled from the best of everyone else. This applies to child-rearing, work, your health and many other things.
One thing, though: Your argument is perfectly valid if you delete the whole “Jesus” thing. Since there is not a god, there is no reason to toss that in, it just deflates your entire post. People are responsible for themselves, throwing in an invisible, zombie, sky-friend does not help, but only interferes with people taking personal responsibility to change.
Keep up the good messages, though, this really does help others, and no one needs more support than a new mom.
Thanks so much for this! A friend shared it on facebook, and I have now also shared it. I am a mom-to-be (31 weeks pregnant), and I think it’s good for me to think through some of these things as I await our own precious little one.
Identity in Jesus is monumental and , often, the first area affected by gospel-amnesia. It’s the same story, different verse for the fellas too. Great post – a friend of mine posted it on her facebook wall. I’ll pass it along too!
I can’t help but recall the phrase ‘it takes a village.’ How blessed the children would be if the Mommy’s not only embraced their own gifts and encouraged each others gifts, but shared those gifts w/each others children. The children’s foundation would be that much broader and deeper and the Mommy’s would be supporting each other.
This is amazing. I love every sentence of it. Especially the one at the end, “Whether you’re doing a good job or not, Jesus loves you.” Oh, I so needed this today. Even when people say, “You’re such a great mom”, or something similarly encouraging, I think of the most recent yelling episode/too much TV so I could cook/etc. Going to post links in my MOPS group on FB – this needs to be shared!
I have the exact same thought whenever someone tells me I’m a great mom–immediately I think of all the things they don’t see/know. So glad this spoke to you and thank you for sharing!!
Reblogged this on LosAngelesAdventure and commented:
A good reminder!
Thank you!
This is really helpful. I have been struggling a lot with envy of one certain mom at my school. She has it together in every way I would want to: she looks like a model at almost 40, she is super healthy with gorgeous and healthy kids with no health issues, she is really well-off, with great style … always has new clothes, etc … goes on vacations all the time and has a beautiful, stylish home, and a happy marriage. And to top it all off, she is a really nice and godly woman!! So I can’t even hate her, lol!!! But I let her appearance get in my head and sap all of my own talents and things. I have been actively searching for some advice about how to get out of this. This is a huge step in the right direction. Thank you for this.
LOL–awesome! I am so, so glad.
I just stumbled on this blog through a friend. I’m not a parent, but I can see this being applied to life as a Christian in general. We all know the great-with-kids Christian, the teaching Christian, the well-to-do Christian, the worship-leader Christian,etc. We all judge and argue at times. I think we would all be better off if we applied this line of thinking into all our relationships. Great job!
Thanks so much–I love that.
Well that wrecked my afternoon. Kids putting away dishes & arguing, me yelling at them to stop fighting. My daily personal short comings (self-imposed) as a Mom all to clear in my kids. Reading this post simply rendered me helpless, crying on the couch. My youngest son (4 1/2) runs thru the living room declaring “I have to go potty”. I don’t know if he noticed me or not, my eyes covered with a tissue, until he is returning to the kitchen and stops to kiss my arms and say “love you” then runs off. There you go, unconditional love, just like God’s for us. I just have yet to accept that I’m not the best Mom and everything isn’t always awesome.
You are going to make me cry! I totally, totally understand. (Obviously)
It is envy pure and simple and the sweet answer to envy is to be genuinely happy for their good fortune, whatever it is. Unfortunately, I am figuring this out as my kids leave the nest.
And the best thing is that Jesus not only loves and accepts us moms, but He covers all of our mistakes—even the ones we make in mothering!
I want you to know that I so very much appreciated this! Even being a dad and grandpa now I too can relate! This can also be applied to men as well. We have our own issues of insecurities and doubts about ourselves. Its good to be reminded to keep our eyes focused on Jesus Christ and his Word to us. that is the real peace. Remember too that all of this is mostly a modern phenomenon with the constant birage of godlessness in the media.
Tears are falling from my eyes as I read this. My heart is broken. My whole life I wanted to be a mommy so bad. I married a man with 2 beautiful girls. I helped weekly in their classes, taught them to ride their bikes, baked cookies for fund raisers, helped with homework, loved them as if they were mine. Mother’s Day was brutal. I was not their mother. After a $6600 vasectomy reversal I thought I’d get pregnant right away. Nope. Then I got severe chronic back pain. We decided to adopt thru foster care. We have 2 beautiful sisters. Have struggled with their mental health, the neglect, the drugs/alcohol they were exposed to, even 2 weeks of a almost 7 yr. old being admitted into mental hospital for wanting to die. As all this went on attention slipped from my husbands girls and they felt neglected. My meds caused me to become moody, angry, forgetful, and soon my husbands girls wanted nothing to do with me or what I thought was a family. I’ve been punched in the face by my 7 yr old. But what hurts more is the little girl I help raise told me to my face that she wanted no motherly relationship with me. She hated being at our home. She had no attachment to me. I know I’ve failed. I’ve been reminded of that by the girls I love. Satan has used these precious gifts to make me second guess everything I’ve said or done in the decade I’ve been in their life. I’ve had 3 surgeries and face possibly 2 more. I’m still on morphine & muscle relaxants for pain control. I try but it’s not enough. I can’t give them what they need. What I promised to give them. I keep failing. My husband is amazing. A real gift from God. If it wasn’t for his encouragement I don’t know that I could keep going. I feel defeated. I often believe the horrible things the children I helped raise have said about me. I’m going to read and re read what you wrote until I can confidently rest in the truth that you’ve said. Thank you.
Dear Chris,
Oh how I wish I could wrap my arms around you right now. I wish I could lift all of the godless lies and unfair pain off of you. I am so sorry for how much you are suffering on all fronts: physically, emotionally, spiritually. I truly believe that your daughters (all 4 of them) will one day realize how much you have done for them, how faithfully you have loved them despite it all. But even if they don’t, I can promise you this–Jesus realizes how much you have done for them, how persistently you have put your heart out there only to feel hurt and rejected. What’s more, He can relate. If anyone understands loving wayward children, being rejected by those we love the most, and suffering physically, it’s Jesus. He is right there with you, Chris, even when it doesn’t feel like it. He is your advocate. As much as you could ever fail, His grace is GREATER and STRONGER. He loves you so much, and I am going to pray that He showers you with His presence and blesses you in unexpected ways. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I admire how much you have overcome, and believe you will continue to overcome in Christ. Much love to you tonight.
Am in the Mam Mam phase and so much more relaxed. My grandmother was one of the kindest, TRUEST women I have ever known and a huge influence on me. I miss her more than words can express. Hope to honor her by being like her with my grandchildren. God bless one and all.
This has been such a struggle for me lately, on all levels. I really needed to read this. As I’m slowing peeking up our of the mire of the “Mommy Wars” and wondering why my friendships with other Moms always have a bit of a bitter aftertaste, I am beginning to see this as a sin in my own heart that I need to hand over to Jesus. It is ME making that bitter aftertaste, me who is holding on to the jealousy and judgement, and need to prove myself, but ever falling short of my high ideals. I realized this when I had “sweet cute godly Mom” over, only to find she has her own struggles, and that the standard I assumed she held, and that I was holding myself to, was imaginary. We hold ourselves to a law that God doesn’t hold us to. I think the problem is our shifting human standard of what Mom is, or should be. Once we get rid of that shifting standard, and replace it with God’s standard, we can begin to see where Grace kicks in when we fall short, and rest in that, peacefully.
Absolutely beautiful. Love never fails- His to us, ours to the kids, to each other, or to ourselves. Now if we could just spread a little of that love to working-outside-the-home mom vs. stay-at-home mom the world would be a brighter place.
Oh man, yes! That is one huge category I completely overlooked. Amen, and amen!
This was the best take on the mommy wars I’ve read in a long long time. I have never read your blog before, but I love this… I will be back!! This made me feel like there was hope. 🙂
Thanks AJ 🙂
I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Yes! As I read this, I couldn’t help but think of a playgroup I went to years ago. Two moms were trading recipes for homemade, organic, locally sourced, vegetarian baby food. I sat there silently, cringing inside because I knew that, on the way to the play group, my son had found a leftover fortune cookie in the back seat (wrapped, of course), and I had let him eat it. Mostly because I had suddenly realized that in our rush to get to play group I had forgotten to feed him breakfast at all. Now, I would laugh this off. But four years ago, my insecurities made me briefly consider buying a Baby Bullet and going to the farmers’ market. Thank you for writing this!
This is a really funny and interesting comment, Dana. I am one of those annoying (even to myself) homemade-organic type moms, but I guess I don’t find it that interesting because it was born of necessity through tons of food allergies and health problems (although we would eat even an unwrapped fortune cookie from the floor, for sure!). I never realize people could see the healthy eating stuff as intimidating or be envious of that. I’m too busy being envious of my personal nemesis – physical beauty – to appreciate any of my own good qualities or accomplishments. If a mom is pretty and skinny … we’ll never be friends. The end. It’s horrible but true. I try daily to overcome that.
Thank you, Mary!
Mary–I LOVE that you wrote this. It just goes to show how much of it is in our heads and born of our own insecurity! Thank you!
Thank you so much for writing this. I have lately been in this mommy war business with myself. My 2 grown bio daughters have both strayed from the Lord, and we now have 5 more adopted kiddos (ages 3-13) that I find myself wondering what I did wrong with the first set that I can improve on with the ‘new batch’. Our family has somewhat reversed roles since my husband lost his job 3 years ago; I have gone to work, and he stays home with the kids. But, when i come home I am frustrated at the destroyed house and loudly let my frustrations be known. My ‘new’ kids are Fetal Alcohol Effected, which adds to the stress that my perfectionism helps create. I have been greatly convicted in the past couple weeks about my ‘grumbling and complaining’, and wonder why did God put these children in this family with me as their mom? I have been encouraged by reading here, being reminded that my being their mom is part of HIS plan, that Jesus loves me WITH ALL MY SHORTCOMINGS, is passionate about my children and will walk beside me IN ALL MY SHORTCOMINGS, to make me the mom I need to be. And you are right, it IS an ongoing journey. I thought I was done raising children and on to the next phase, but God had other plans for me. I am to guide another group of children to His throne, and do some growing myself along the way. Thank you again for your wise, timely, and encouraging words.
It sounds like you are embracing a big challenge with an awesome attitude and God-honoring perspective. Praise the Lord! So glad you wrote in to share your story.
This was an encouraging article/blog. Now that my older children have left home, I find myself adding another label to the list: “maybe-I should-have… ” mom. I didn’t realize that I should have been taking these kind of thoughts captive all along, b/c they lead your focus in a horizontal direction (focused on others & self). The reality is I (we moms) need to have a vertical focus: focus on Christ through prayer & obedience to His Word – that’s what matters!
This was so good. This just might be the best blog post I’ve ever read. Thank you for writing this. It was funny and really ministered to me at the same time. I felt convicted about the comparisons and judging I do. And I just love the last paragraph. It’s what I needed to hear. I’m a perfectionist, and with 4 little kids, you can imagine that nothing is ever perfect. Thanks for the reminder to rest in Jesus’ perfection. God bless you!
This made me cry this morning. Thank you. As a working mom (up to this point, part-time) who is going to be working full-time in a few weeks, I am dealing with so much guilt lately. I feel like if I can’t do it for my kids then it won’t be done well and if they turned out messed up, it will be my fault. I have known Jesus for many years, but it has been so hard to recognize that part of being one of his means that he lived and died in a way that actually speaks to this situation in my life.
Yes–you said that so well, “He lived and died in a way that actually speaks to this situation in my life.” One of the most valuable things I’m trying to do is apply the gospel to my everyday life–not often easy, but always encouraging. Thanks for sharing!
Wow! I was so needing to hear all that today!! I was having a mommy war attack tonight with myself not good because I lost a few hrs of sleep! But I did come across you blog of facebook and it was so encouraging! Thank you for reminding me that all that matters is to be accepted by my Savior Jesus Christ. He has a plan for my mommyhood, he choose me to mother my daughter for a reason, because sporty-mom or preppy-mom do not have what it takes to mother my daughter and I don’t have what it takes to mother their children. God created each of us differently, unique and special. I don’t want to miss out on what God has for me because I was moping on the couch wishing I was some other mom instead of being the mom God created me to be. Thanks for the encouragement at this wee hr of the morning 🙂
So, so glad you stumbled upon it & that it blessed you! Thanks for taking the time to write in!
this is great! thanks for reading my mind 🙂 I’ve learned to have peace about my parenting, but the questions always creep in. I’m just more prepared for that battle. Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas helped too.